Both the beginning and the end of Martha and Bill Boyer’s 60 years together came as a surprise to Martha. So did the care she received from Agrace.
They met in 1961, in Monterey, Mexico, where Martha was raised. Bill was instantly smitten; Martha was skeptical. But he was persistent. His first gift to her was a butterfly pin and earrings. His second gift—at their next meeting—was an engagement ring.
They married and raised two sons, had successful careers and lived in several other places before retiring to the Dodgeville area 35 years ago. Being bilingual, they volunteered their time to teach and support many of the area’s Latino immigrant families.
Although Bill had been in assisted living for four years, Martha was surprised when his doctor suggested hospice care early this year. Given options, she chose Agrace. She remembers, “Grace is something you receive without deserving it or asking for it, so the name was very comforting.”
“On the first morning, we signed papers, I met your staff who was there, and the nurse asked me to go into Bill’s room. He was in bed (which he never was). I could just tell he was totally at peace. He had oxygen. The nurse was very kind, and she said it was to make him comfortable. She said, ‘Sit, hold his hand and tell him anything you want to tell him.’ So I did, for a couple of hours.”
Then Martha took a break for lunch. “I told Bill, ‘You have some beautiful people who are going to be taking care of you, so you be nice to them.’ I squeezed his hand; I kissed him, and I left.”
But when Martha arrived at home, that same nurse called to tell her that Bill had died. To Martha, it was completely unexpected.
Martha went straight back to Bill’s side, where the assisted living and Agrace staff were waiting, along with her pastor. She explains, “It was absolute grace. I was surrounded by people who cared about me. I have never been taken care of—I do that.”
I assumed you were taking care of Bill, not me
Martha didn’t know at the time that family members have access to free grief support for a year following the death of a hospice patient—no matter how long the patient was enrolled. “I assumed you were taking care of Bill, not me,” she says. “I thought your thing was just to be there when the person died, but it was more than that.
“It was important to me that [grief support] was never pushed. It was offered. The phone calls that came made me feel very comfortable. It was a kind hand being extended.”
When you grow something, you remember
As Martha was throwing away materials from Agrace, she noticed a butterfly on them. She called Agrace and was introduced to Stephany Marten, who represents the Agrace Foundation in southwest Wisconsin. Martha explains, “Butterflies are important to us. Bill and I had taken a trip to Mexico to see the butterflies, and it made an impact. We live out in the country, and my beautiful garden is chaotic with milkweed. I learned to go find eggs and caterpillars, and we raised butterflies.”
Steph helped Martha track down butterfly-shaped seed paper to give out at Bill’s celebration of life. “Those seeds will be saved, and a lot of people will plant them,” Martha says. “When you grow something, you remember.”
A memorial butterfly
Martha also purchased an engraved butterfly for Agrace’s Butterfly Memorial in Janesville. “I thought that would be a wonderful way to celebrate Bill,” she says. “Every time I see a butterfly, I talk to him.”
Looking back, Martha says, “The moment that one of your staff walked in with me and told me what I wasn’t hearing—told me what to do—was the most compassionate thing that anybody ever said to me: ‘Sit and talk to him. Tell him whatever.’ I’d never thought about it.
“You didn’t physically care for him, except for a couple of hours. What amazes me is that you follow. I’m astounded, because that is just an amazing, amazing grace that was humbly unexpected.”
